I’ve been in and out of the dating scene for the bulk of the last ten years, and I’ve seen a pretty consistent thread of thought that puzzles me.
Why do so many singles, especially 30-somethings and up, who are looking for love seek a person with “no baggage?”
Do they even realize what they’re saying?
“Baggage” begins at birth!
It is the result of the way we are treated throughout our lives by everyone we encounter and how we respond to all of it. Who on this planet is devoid of experience with other humans?
Not everyone handles bad experiences well. Not everyone handles good experiences well! So, a 15-year-old can have more “baggage” than a 40-year-old due to the atmosphere in which he or she grew up, and what he or she developed as survival or coping skills – whether healthy or unhealthy.
What makes anyone think that any human being can be perfectly free of effects of their experiences? Is it not that they are really seeking someone who has dealt with both positive and negative experiences in a healthy way?
Anyone who thinks he or she has no “baggage” and is seeking another “without baggage” should perhaps remove their spectacles of self-deception, take a real HONEST look in the mirror, and then take care of their own baggage first. Chances are, honey, some pretty serious emotional stunting has occurred!
Anyone who knows he or she has “baggage” and expects to find another “without baggage” is deluding him- or herself and obviously setting up for failure. There are definitely un-dealt-with issues here…
Each of us owes it to ourselves to be healthy first – to turn our “baggage” into “luggage” for this adventure we call Life. Then, we can more successfully find a traveling companion who is not perfect, but perfect for us.
Don’t you think so?